Process or Place?

Is Recovery a Process or a Place?

This is a question I continue to struggle with. I don’t know the answer.

At times, I believe recovery is a place – a place of freedom, hope, and positivity. I get so busy enjoying life that I forget that worrying about food or weight was once commonplace. I meal prep to save time during the week instead of to meticulously count calories. I workout because I like feeling strong and fit. I am happy, I am free.

And then, I let my guard down.

It happens quickly – a glance in the mirror that leaves me lingering a little too long, an old picture on Timehop – and I’m heading back to that dark place.

Clothes don’t feel like they fit right. My stomach isn’t flat enough. How am I here again?

It’s these times I guess recovery is a process.

Although I don’t know that there will ever be a point where recovery is only a place, I am thankful that I am currently in a place of recovery far more often than not. I never thought I would make it to this point.

I’ve shared this before, but when thinking about the process of recovery, this has helped me so much!

Autobiography In Five Short Chapters

Chapter I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost… I am hopeless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in this same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there.

I still fall in… it’s a habit… but,

my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

– Portia Nelson

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